Give me a reason

Do you ever think why are we here?
What are we doing here?
Do we even have a propose to be living or are we just zombies following the routine and the masses?
What difference do we make in this world?
That little spark that makes us going.
That makes us believe we have reason or a propose.
That think that keep us holding into some sort of hope of you-don’t-know-what, but it is there.
That hope that life is gonna be better and you don’t have to push into surviving anymore.
You don’t have to try so hard to be happy.
Happiness shouldn’t be that difficult, right? Cause for me happiness was always something I had to push myself into believing.
Like a religious figure, if you convince yourself it is real you end up believing in it for a while.
My sparkle takes way too much work to keep on. And I’m tired of fighting to keep it on.
I don’t think I have enough strength or motives to keep it going, to keep its light on.
It is fading again and I’m afraid of my darkness.
I’m just tired of surviving myself and trying to hold on onto this believe that I mean something or that I’m here for a reason.
I’m tired of believing in something that doesn’t exist or may not ever happen.
Tired of trying to find my reason of existing.
Why am I here?

Cursed by memory

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The human being is not cursed for it has a short memory.
The long memory is where the curse lies on.
Things you wanna forget so you can forgive
so you can move on and not be afraid of repeat
When you worry about doing only the new
and forget to do the old with the enthusiasm each morning presents you with.
The fear of looking old and sounding new
Wisdom is not doing everything right or learning with old mistakes but letting things run free knowing that the river must take its course to get to the ocean.
Sometimes I just think about on how I would do things if I hadn’t had the memory to whisper how it went wrong one day, how it hurts or how fast it could go if I just knew half of its way…
Less guilt and more self forgiveness!!!
But we should learn how to break the curse, like everything else, and let our soul fly light and free.

Inside

cold-outside-warm-inside-jonathan-wilkins

I like going out full of clothes
But I also love being naked with myself
I like to feel the cold breeze on my face
But I also love the hot waves inside my body
I like the naked trees during the winter
But I also love how my own trees are always flourishing
I love the constant course of the river
But I also love the stormy seas inside me
You can’t see how much I’ve done
But in my dreams I’ve done everything!

I Found a Lover

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I spent all my life feeling that I had never done anything special.

Oh I’m 25 years old I should have done something that matter already!

My despair!

One day I decided to get into a plain and search so far away for the damn special deeds I was supposed to do (so soon).

I was looking to the West all the time and one day the sun blinded my eyes.

I had to look East!

That was my first special deed (and I didn’t even know that).

The figure of a man, the figure of a lover.

He asked why, why do you love me?

And that was hard to answer with spoken words.

Now I write it down why I love you:

Every little thing I do with you makes me feel like I’m doing my special something.

I found myself in the dark man in the East when I gave my back to the sun.

I found my lover, and I can call him everything else I need!

I found a lover and my lover found me!

Too Young

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I made mistakes 10 yeas ago, but I was young,
I broke hearts 7 yeas ago, but I was young,
I’ve got my heart broken 4 years ago, but I was young then,
I got drunk and was ashamed, but that was 1 year ago, and I was young,
I’ve cried for reasons unknown 2 months ago and I was so young,
I lost my mind 5 minutes ago, but that’s because I was just young,
And 10 years from now I’ll be just too young, again!!!

Short Ones. Proudly!

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“And there is she again
All full of herself
Watching us from above
Guiding our path like old days
She, the moon, is raised…”

 

“The night, this bitch

She brings nightmares and dreams
And memories of a life
we can’t go back
or forget.
the night, this bitch
She never helps me to fall asleep…”

 

“I like the night where I can’t see.
I fear the bright light of the day where reality is so clear.
I say what I mean, but I can’t say how it feels.
I close my eyes and I find home.
I open to the bright lights and I just feel lost.
Feeling is harder than thinking.
We talk what we think but we do what we feel.”

The Real Kiss

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I want a real kiss…

The kiss from the young boy, as clumsy as it can be.

The kiss from the lover, that leaves desire between the legs

The kiss from the man, with the all the safety he brings

The kiss from the poet, for its uniqueness

The kiss from the old, strong and wise

The kiss from the husband, with the old friendly taste

The kiss from the cold wind, that teaches me how to breath

The kiss from the gigolo, never on the mouth

The kiss from the death, to bring a new life to an old soul.